The idol of control is putting your hope in your plan, your timing, and your ability to make things happen rather than trusting that God is the one who opens doors when you're ready. I spent years pursuing a calling to speak and share, but pursuing it with the wrong heart and the wrong approach. I sought stages for status, for the feeling of significance, for my own glory. God didn't open those doors. Not because the dream was wrong, but because I wasn't ready, and the heart behind it was wrong. Saul's story in 1 Samuel 13 names the failure mode: under pressure, he performed the burnt offering himself rather than waiting for Samuel. He couldn't hold the outcome when the circumstances got hard. He lost his anointing because he couldn't wait on God. That's the daily pressure for an entrepreneur. When the leads aren't coming and the payroll is due and the strategy isn't working, the temptation is to act before God says move. Proverbs 16:9 is the anchor: humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
In my early 20s, God gave me a vision to speak and share. I got excited and immediately moved to execution: sought stages, started recording, blogged, reached out to conferences. I was sharing information I barely knew from a life that was a mess in every area. I felt like a fraud because I was. I was speaking about things I had no business speaking about because the vision had arrived before the character had formed. God didn't open those doors. Not because the dream was wrong but because I wasn't ready. And my heart behind the dream was wrong too: I was pursuing stages for status, for the feeling of significance, for my own glory.
This episode traces fifteen years of wrestling with control: the 2016 business conference where I shared authentically for the first time and the room wept, then ten years of wanting to get back to that but defaulting to safe and professional, then the year of letting go in 2018, then a job God opened without my looking, then God resurrecting the dream, then my trying to do it safely on the side while keeping the security of my job, then the move to Alaska stripping that plan entirely. The mantle and the plow story from Elijah and Elisha names the pattern I kept repeating: I couldn't step fully into the calling while still holding tightly to the comfort. At some point, God asked me to put the plow down.
- You can have the right dream but the wrong heart and the wrong timing. God not opening doors early isn't rejection. It's preparation. He waits until you're ready.
- The conference moment in 2016 was the first time I shared a real story from my own life. The room wept. Nothing I'd said in ten years of trying to build a platform produced that. Authenticity and surrender do what strategy can't.
- The year of letting go is sometimes required to stop the idol. When control has its hooks in you that deep, you sometimes can't ease back gently. You have to swing to the opposite extreme first.
- You can't hold the mantle and the plow at the same time. The plow is the security, the job, the salary, the predictability. The mantle is the calling God is handing you. At some point, you have to put one down.
- God doesn't want us to do it his way safely on our timeline. He asks us to leave what we know and follow him. Often that's uncomfortable. Often the timing is terrible by our standards.
- Looking back: everything in my life that is good, that I love, that I'm grateful for, I never planned for. That was all God. It's the things I planned and tried to make happen that didn't last.
- Saul lost his anointing because he couldn't wait for Samuel. He saw the circumstances, made his own decision, did the burnt offering himself. That's the entrepreneur's temptation: when the pressure builds and God seems slow, do it yourself.
What is the idol of control and how does it show up in entrepreneurship?
The idol of control is the belief that you are responsible not just for showing up faithfully but for making the outcome happen on your timeline and in your way. It lives right alongside a genuine calling. You can have a real God-given dream and pursue it entirely in your own strength, on your own schedule, through your own effort.
The pattern started in my early 20s. God gave me a clear sense I was supposed to speak and share. I got excited and immediately moved into execution: sought stages, started recording, blogged, tried to get into conferences. I was regurgitating information I barely understood from a season of my life that was a wreck in every area. I felt like a fraud because I was.
God didn't open those doors. Not because the dream was wrong but because I wasn't ready. And my heart behind the dream was wrong too: I was pursuing stages for status, for the feeling of significance, for my own glory. That's the double problem with the control idol: controlling the timeline and controlling it for the wrong reasons.
I look at my life now and pretty much everything in my life that is good, that I love, that I'm super grateful for, I actually never planned for. That was all God. It's the things that I planned for and I tried to make happen that didn't last, because they were with the wrong heart and the wrong motive.
Amy Dardis, Episode 23What does it mean to hold the mantle and the plow at the same time?
The image comes from 1 Kings 19 where Elijah calls Elisha. Elisha is plowing with oxen. Elijah walks up and throws his cloak over Elisha's shoulders, calling him into a new role. The mantle is the calling God is extending. The plow is the life Elisha is living: the familiar work, the security, the thing he knows how to do.
The insight is that you cannot fully take up the mantle while still gripping the plow. At some point, you have to set one down to pick the other up.
For me, the plow was my full-time employee role: the salary, the benefits, the reputation I'd built over five years, the predictability. When God called me back into entrepreneurship, my plan was to do both: build the new brand on the side, phase out slowly, keep the security in place. God said no.
I was trying to control the how and the when of the transition. Still trying to call the shots even while saying I was surrendering. The move to Alaska in two weeks, with no plan, no income, no community, was God's way of taking the plow out of my hands. Because the calling required complete dependence on him.
How do you know when it's right to wait and when it's time to move?
When I tried to move early in my career, in my own timing and with the wrong heart, there was no lasting fruit. When I tried to stay in my job past when God was calling me out, there was no peace. Physical anxiety attacks, weekly. When I finally surrendered to God's plan and committed to staying until he released me, there was peace inside the difficulty.
The signal for waiting is not the absence of discomfort. It's the presence of peace with surrendering to God's timing. The signal for moving is not the absence of fear. It's the sense of release, a door opening through circumstances you couldn't engineer.
Proverbs 3:5-6 and 16:9. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him and he will make your path straight. Humans plan their course but the Lord establishes their steps. The plan and the faithfulness are mine. The actual steps are his.
When God is ready for you to move, He will move. Like He will open doors, not you. And that's one of the biggest lessons I've learned along the way, mainly from doing it wrong so many times.
Amy Dardis, Episode 23Resources mentioned
- Ep 22 — The Idol of Your Own Strength — Previous episode: trusting effort over trusting God
- Ep 24 — The Idol of Approval — Next in the series: seeking validation from stats and people
- Free Hiring Resources
Full transcript
I'm your host, Amy Dardis. In today's episode we're continuing our idols in entrepreneurship series. We are diving into the idol of control. An idol is an object or a concept that we give a higher priority in our life than God. It's anything we rely on for blessing, our help, our guidance instead of God. It's anything that consumes our heart or our imagination or our devotion more than God. It can be a good thing that we elevate to a position of importance in our life. The question always ends up coming back to where is our hope? Is it in God? Or is our hope in our own plan? Is our hope in our ability to control the situation and to be able to call the shots?
In this podcast and in this series, we're talking about how that shows up specifically in business, specifically as an entrepreneur. Because as entrepreneurs, we feel this responsibility to make things happen. We feel the responsibility to have a plan, to call the shots, to see it through, and determine our own destiny. And a lot of times we think we have more control than we actually do.
I was in my early 20s the first time I feel like God ever gave me a clear vision on what I was supposed to do in my life or how I was supposed to honor him. It was during this season of struggle and figuring out who I was as an individual and understanding how God had created me. Up until that point, I'd never really been very aware of myself or my giftings. I honestly thought I didn't have any. But through a very difficult season, God started to pull these things out of me, bring this awareness, develop me. And in there, he planted this desire and this passion for wanting to speak, for wanting to share our stories.
So I got super excited and was like: okay, I get it. I have this dream. I know what to do. And it honestly reminds me of the story of Joseph. Joseph is young and he's given these prophetic dreams about his brothers and his parents bowing down before him. In his eagerness and excitement, he goes and shares it immediately. There is a sense of pride there, a sense of arrogance: this is what's going to happen. And for me, I was like: this is what's going to happen. Now what do I need to do to make it happen? I started to try and steer my own ship, try to open doors, seeking speaking opportunities, looking for chances to go and speak and to share. I was speaking about things I honestly barely understood. I was regurgitating information. I wasn't sharing from my own experience or knowledge. And I always felt like a fraud because I was. I was in a season of my life that was honestly a mess: marriage, parenting, home life, business. I was a wreck on the inside: angry, bitter, impulsive. And here I was trying to go and share and teach and be an authority on things I had no business being an authority on.
God didn't open those doors for me. I mean, I think I had some speaking opportunities, but it was just because I was trying to make things happen. There was no fruit from that. People weren't receiving a message, I wasn't sharing anything authentically or worth sharing. I pursued this path for a while in different avenues: videos, blogging, starting an online magazine, seeking stages, trying to speak at conferences.
And honestly, there was one moment where I think this is where the seed was planted. We went to a business conference at the end of one of the hardest years of our life. We had started the year with a two-year-old and a brand new baby in a deep, deep hole of debt, depression, darkness, hopelessness. We had no idea what we were doing in any area of our life. That's where we hit rock bottom, back in 2016. The turning point happened early that spring: we started seeing a counselor, started getting mentorship in our business, started seeking advice, stopped struggling in isolation. We actually reached out and got professional help, personal help, help in our marriage. This was the beginning of a slow climb out of a very big hole.
By the end of the year, things were doing much better. Our business was generating income, we had recurring revenue, we had clients. I had started to step into and identify my own unique strengths. I had realized that I had a passion for connecting with people, building relationships, hearing other people's stories. I had stepped out from behind the scenes and into more of a sales, marketing, relationship, and networking role, and a lot of fruit had come out of that.
At the end of the year, we went to a conference for the web design agency community we'd joined. In that conference, they opened up the floor and asked if anyone had any stories they wanted to share. And I felt prompted, called to share a story. I felt the Holy Spirit, the quickening of my spirit, this pressure: if I don't go up and share this story, I'm going to regret it. So I raised my hand, I had written out some notes of what I wanted to share, and I got up there through tears and shaking and sweaty hands and a shaking voice. This is the first time I'd ever really publicly spoken. And all I did was share our story. Just the last year and how hard it had been and some of the breakthrough moments. And it changed the room. The whole environment of the room and the community changed. I was crying, my husband was crying, and there were other people in the audience crying because I was sharing about something that had been so real and so hard. And there were other people in the room who had felt those same things. It was the most authentic sharing I'd ever done. And that is what planted the seed. That is what set this desire in my heart: oh man, I want to do this.
But then I forgot about the authenticity part. I forgot about the sharing part. I just sought the stage instead of seeking God and allowing him to open doors. I wanted to come across as this professional, this person who had it all together, teaching these concepts instead of just sharing my heart. For the next 10 years after that, it was this struggle, this desire, this dream to want to share authentically, but never knowing how. And when the opportunities I sought came, I didn't follow through on that authenticity. I just reverted back to safe and comfortable and professional.
And eventually I started to wake up to the fact that I did not have things together, that I was in a season of figuring out my own life. I started to let this dream go. I started to realize God was not opening these doors. And I finally realized why: I am in no place, no condition. I have nothing meaningful to share. And so why am I doing this? I was like: I need to just focus on figuring out my life and my heart and my faith. And so I actually started to relinquish that plan, that control, that trying to make this dream happen. I ended up burying it. I surrendered it and didn't even want it anymore.
Over the next probably five years, it was just doing this internal work, embracing this small life, this life of just simplicity and privacy. During that time, God was shaping me and maturing me and building me up, and I was just growing through the process without trying to grow, without trying to make things happen. I remember it was 2018 and I have this document I called my year of letting go. Letting go of the plan, the ambition, the dream, the need to control, my expectations. It felt wrong. It felt like I was just giving up my dreams and my motivation. But I was so wrapped up with this idea of control, so wrapped up with needing to make things happen. And I've seen this trend different times in my life where I almost have to do a full 180 to completely go in the opposite of whatever patterns and habits I'm in in order to find a happy medium.
So at the beginning of 2018 I was just like: I'm laying it all down. God, help me to surrender this. Let my heart just be simple. Let me just desire the small things and not worry about what's next. Because my whole life I had been worried about what's next, what's the plan, what do we need to do to make it happen, what's the big vision, and as soon as I have a big vision, what do I need to do to make it happen?
It felt very wrong and uncomfortable to let these things go, but I did. And over the next few years, slowly coming back to this happy medium, getting to this place in my life where I'm like: I am not the same person I was five years ago or ten years ago. And during this time, God opened a door for me to go and work as a full-time employee on a leadership team for an organization I'd met through being a client. It wasn't something I was seeking out. But here God opens a door and I walk through it. Things start to happen. I'm in that world for a while, and things are good, COVID happens, we work our way through COVID, launch e-commerce.
And then God started to restir this dream again. He started to restir this desire to speak and to share. And when he restirred that, it honestly freaked me out. I was like: oh no, I did not do this well the last time. I don't want to do this. Nope, God, I already gave this up. I don't want it. No. I wrestled with him about it for a while. And I was in a small group at the time, and I shared what was going on, and they were like: this is God, not you. You are not having peace about this because you're fighting him on obedience, and you need to be willing to be obedient to whatever he's calling you to do.
And so I was like: all right, I feel like I've learned all of these things. I look at the past five years, past ten years, and I am not the same person. I have learned so much about God and my identity and my role and my purpose and my gifting as an individual. And I sensed God wanted me to start to share what I had learned: not information, but experiences, growth, authenticity, sharing what I had lived, sharing my own story. And that was weird. My story is not pretty. There's a lot of mistakes and ugliness and brokenness. And I was afraid. I honestly didn't know how to be authentic. I didn't know how to just share what I had lived in all of its ugly honesty.
And so I eventually came to terms with the fact that God was calling me back into entrepreneurship and calling me back into this dream. And once again, I was like: okay, I'm going to play this safe this time. I'm going to do this on the side, take my time, work, continue in my role, and just build this on the side, and then it's just going to be one nice smooth transition. So here I am still trying to call the shots, still trying to be in control of how this works, still saying: okay God, I'm going to obey you but I'm going to do it my way. I'm going to do it safely and logically and predictably and there's not going to be any risk involved.
And I think about the story, and I can't remember if it was Elijah or Elisha, but I think it's Elijah calling Elisha. He comes and he's pushing the plow with the oxen. And Elijah comes and puts his cloak over him and calls him. The takeaway is: you can't hold the mantle and the plow at the same time. That's exactly what I was trying to do. The plow was this job, this security, this comfort, this everything I knew. And then here comes the mantle: step out into entrepreneurship, step out into faith, trust God and walk into something completely uncertain with no plan. I wanted both. And God was like: no, it's my way.
And God ended up completely uprooting us from everything we knew, from our family, our community, our church, our town, our state. We went to a completely new place knowing nothing and no one, having no home, no vehicle, no income, no benefits or health insurance, completely relying on God. And once again God's saying: do you trust me? Do you trust me that I am in control? Do you trust me that I have called you to this? Do you trust me to provide for you? And if you do, this is what it looks like.
I look back over this year and all the things, and I'm like: in the midst of it, I'm wrestling with him daily. I'm like God, please make this happen, please open doors. And now I look back over the last year and I'm like: oh my gosh, I'm so glad you didn't do some of those things, because I wasn't ready. God sees it all. He knows my heart, he knows what I need to do or how I need to do something. And it ends up being more about our obedience to him and our willingness to just surrender and trust him. Like for the Israelites and the manna: he only gave them enough for that day. Not enough to store for a week. I'm going to feed you for today. You're going to only take this much, and then I'll feed you again tomorrow. It's this dependence on God.
There's verses that encourage us about that. Proverbs 3, 5 through 6: trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your path straight. Lean not on my own understanding. In my own understanding is this plan, this control, this is what needs to happen, this is the timeline. But I'm not supposed to do that. I'm supposed to trust in the Lord with all of my heart. Or Proverbs 16, 9: in their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. And I think about all the steps that God established for me that I didn't plan for. I'm so thankful for that.
I will probably always wrestle with this. I will probably always be tempted to make things happen. But my prayer is that just each and every time, that gap, that time is just shorter and shorter and shorter between the doubting and the trying to control, and then the surrendering and the trusting him. And then being able to replay this story and say: this is what God did. I put myself in a position where I had to rely on him, and this is how he showed up, this is how he made a way. And I want to live a life where it all points to him, where my life tells his story of his goodness, of his grace, of his provision, of his faithfulness. So I pray that this encouraged you today. That's all for today. See you next time.