The interview experience itself determines whether you get truth or a performance. Everything in the room — who's in it, what the environment feels like, how you ask questions, how you respond, and the order you go in — either lowers the guard or keeps it up. Two to three interviewers creates conversation instead of interrogation. Questions that move from surface to depth, building across both interviews, get to the real person. And how you respond — your facial expressions, your tone, a nod, a laugh, sharing something about yourself — communicates whether it's safe to keep opening up. Structure the experience intentionally and you get honest answers. Leave it to chance and you get a polished performance.
Interviews are designed to reveal truth, but most of them don't. They're tense, they feel interrogative, and they put candidates in performance mode. The guard goes up. And everything a candidate says from that point on is the best version of themselves, not the real one. The irony is that every question you ask and every answer you receive is being used to make a real hiring decision about a real person.
Part of the ongoing hiring series. This episode covers the full interview experience from environment to close: who to put in the room and why, how to structure questions from surface to depth across two interviews, how to respond in a way that keeps people opening up, and the run-of-show for a complete interview start to finish.
- Most interviews feel like interrogations. Candidates go into performance mode. If the experience doesn't create enough comfort for the guard to come down, the answers you get aren't real answers.
- Bring two to three people from your business into the interview. Not to form a panel, but to create conversation. Banter between your team members is a selling point. It shows the candidate what working there actually feels like.
- Choose who's in the room carefully. You want someone who makes people feel comfortable, someone expressive, someone who can joke and laugh easily. If that's not you, find your complement and bring them in.
- Questions move from surface to depth. In the first interview, go from level A to D. In the second, start at C and go deeper. Do not start the second interview at A again. You earned some trust. Use it.
- How you respond matters as much as what you ask. Smile consciously. Nod. Say tell me more. Give 30% more expression than you normally would. On Zoom, use an emoji. These tiny signals communicate: that was good, keep going.
- Give permission to pause. If you ask a question and they don't have an immediate answer, good. Tell them to take their time. Let them know you're asking questions they've probably never been asked before. That permission is what moves you past the rehearsed version of them.
- Set the tone at the very start. In the first two minutes, tell them exactly what this interview is trying to do: get to know the real you. We're asking questions you haven't prepared for. Please take your time. That one speech changes the whole dynamic.
Why do most job interviews fail to reveal who someone actually is?
Because the experience creates the wrong conditions. Interviews are tense and stressful. They feel interrogative. Candidates go into performance mode: they show up wanting to impress you, they have some rehearsed answers, they want to say the right things. The guard is up. And when the guard is up, what you're seeing is the best version of themselves, not the real one.
The problem is that the decisions we make in this process are about the real person. The person who shows up 90 days in with their guard down, with their actual working style, with their actual relationship with feedback and pressure and ambiguity. That's who you're hiring. Not the person who walked into the interview.
No matter how good the answers are, if that's not the real version of them, it doesn't matter. The truth will always reveal itself eventually. The goal of the interview process is to find that truth early, before you've made the offer. And that requires curating an experience where the guard actually comes down.
It's not about hearing the right answers. It's about making people feel comfortable enough that they are giving you honest answers. And that's all we want. We just want honest answers. We just want a real glimpse into who somebody is as a person.
Amy Dardis, Episode 39Who should be in the interview room and why does it matter?
Two to three people from your business plus the candidate. Not more. Having more than one person from your side gives you multiple perspectives to deliberate on afterward. There's wisdom in not being the only one making the call.
But the bigger reason is what it does for the dynamic in the room. When you have two people from your company who are talking to each other, joking a little, going back and forth, that creates a conversation vibe instead of a panel vibe. The candidate relaxes because they see: oh, these are just real people. And they're getting a real-life glimpse into what the relationships are actually like between the people who work there. That's a selling point.
Choose people who are likely to cross paths with this person and who understand the role. But mainly, choose someone who's really good at making other people feel comfortable. Someone expressive, someone who laughs easily, someone who can find something to joke about. If that's not you naturally, find that person and bring them in. Because how comfortable the candidate feels directly determines the quality and the honesty of the answers you get.
How should I structure the questions across a first and second interview?
Think of it in levels. In the first interview, you're moving from question level A to D. Start easy and open, questions people feel comfortable answering, and then go a little deeper with each progression. By the end of the first interview you're naturally in more real territory, exploring more personal topics.
When they come back for the second interview, don't start at A again. Start at C. Open it up a little, step back just slightly, and then go deeper: C, D, E, F. You already built some trust and connection in the first interview. Use it. That's what the second interview is for.
The biggest mistake most businesses make is staying at levels A, B, and C the entire time. Surface questions. Easy to answer, easy to rehearse. When you never go deeper, you never get a real glimpse into who the person actually is. And then you make a hiring decision based on inaccurate information.
Is this feeling like a conversation or is this feeling like an interrogation? If it's feeling like an interrogation, lean toward what you'd do if you were just chatting with someone at the store or at the gym. That side of you.
Amy Dardis, Episode 39What should I actually do during the interview to help people open up?
Start by setting the tone in the first two minutes. Tell them what this interview is: we are trying to get to know the real version of you. We're going to ask questions you probably haven't been asked before. We do not expect you to have answers prepared. Please take your time, be honest, let's just have a real conversation. That one speech changes the whole dynamic.
Then watch your own body language. In interviews it can be so easy to be expressionless. Face unreadable, typing away, giving nothing. That's terrifying for a candidate. Consciously check what your face is doing. Give a little smirk when you're listening. When they say something good, give 30% more expression than normal. Smile a little bigger, laugh a little louder. On Zoom, throw a thumbs-up emoji. These tiny signals say: that was good, keep going.
Give permission to pause. If you ask a question and they freeze or have to think, tell them: take your time, this is not a common interview question. I hope you didn't prepare for this. That permission is what moves you past the rehearsed version of them and into the real one.
Resources mentioned
- Free Interview Questions Download — High-signal questions designed to get past rehearsed answers into real territory
- Ep 37 — The 3 Things Every Interview Must Reveal — Capacity, character, and evidence: what you're looking for in the answers
- Ep 36 — Why You Should Always Do Two Interviews Before Hiring — Why the second interview gets to the real person in a way the first can't
Full transcript
Interviews are often very tense and stressful situations. People get nervous. It can produce a very performance-type feel. It also feels interrogative a lot of times. You go into this room, it's stale and unwelcoming, there might be a panel of people judging you and asking questions, and you want this job. So you get flustered. You want to say the right things. The guard is up. And on the business side, on the interviewer side, we're just not getting the real version of themselves. That is the problem. Because interviews are all about discovering the real side of someone. Do they have the abilities and the potential to thrive in this role? Do they have the values and the characteristics and the personality and the working style to thrive within our company, within our unique DNA? We're not going to know that if we don't get a glimpse of who that real person is.
No matter what happens in the interview, no matter how good their answers are, if that's just not the real version of them, it doesn't matter. The truth will always reveal itself. The goal of the interview process is to find that truth early on. And so how we facilitate the interview, what we do with our body language and our tone of voice and what we say or what we don't say: all of these things are going to define the experience in some way.
So what do we do intentionally to structure that? First, I always recommend having more than one person in the room. Two, three people from your business plus the candidate. Not more than that. There are a couple of reasons for this. First: more than one person from your business gives you another perspective, another set of eyes and ears, someone to deliberate with after the interview. There's wisdom in having multiple counselors instead of it being just you. And when you have buy-in from other people on your team, it makes for a more committed and confident decision.
The other benefit: we are intentionally choosing people to come into the room so that it creates more of a conversation vibe instead of a panel vibe. We want dialogue and dynamic between the two people from the company. If you are the interviewer and your coworker is in the room, we want you two talking to each other. Some back and forth, maybe some banter, maybe some joking. Because this is going to help the candidate feel more at ease. And it's also giving them a real-life glimpse into what the dynamics and relationships are like between the people who actually work there. It's a selling point. It's a competitive advantage. If you are the hiring manager and you have a direct report in there with you, a candidate can see how a report interacts with and talks to their boss, instead of it just being peer-to-peer.
Choose people who are most likely going to cross paths with this person, people who understand the role, people who read people and body language well. But mainly, you want someone in the room who's really good at making other people feel comfortable. Your jokester. Someone with an expressive personality who can smile or laugh easily. If you as the interviewer are not naturally very expressive, bring in somebody who will complement that. Someone who is encouraging and good at building natural rapport, because it's really going to make a huge difference in the interview and in the answers you end up getting.
It's not about hearing the right answers. It's about making people feel comfortable enough that they are giving you honest answers. That's all we want. Just honest answers. Just a real glimpse into who somebody is as a person. The more we can bring guards down through all of these little elements, it really does make a huge difference.
And the environment itself matters. The more comfortable the environment is, the better. Maybe there's some background music playing, just enough to take the edge off. Maybe the room smells like coffee. Maybe you're not in a stale, clinical, uncomfortable environment. Maybe there's a candle, maybe there's some donuts or cookies. Little things that just make people think: oh, these are real people. And all we're doing is having a real conversation.
We want to have an intentional order and flow to our questions. Start with surface-level questions, easy and open, and then little by little go deeper. In the first interview, think of question levels A through D. Start at A, build to B, then C, and by the end you're naturally at D, exploring more real topics. When they come back for the second interview, don't start at A again. Start at C, open it up just a little, and then go deeper: C, D, E, F. Getting to know someone requires interactions over time, trust, and connection. We have to be intentionally facilitating that.
One of the biggest mistakes in interviews is staying at levels A, B, and C the whole time. Because we don't ever go deeper, we don't get a real glimpse into who somebody is. The decisions we make are based on inaccurate information.
How we respond is just as important as what we ask. Our body language, our tone of voice, the look on our face: all of those things matter. In an interview it can be so easy to be expressionless. You've got your notes, you're on a Zoom call, you're typing away, your face is unreadable. And that's terrifying for a candidate. Just demoralizing. So I purposely and consciously put effort into: what's my face doing right now? Am I smiling? Is my face relaxed? Am I giving facial expressions? We want to be expressive in the interview. We want to let them know that what they're saying is good, because we need to encourage them to keep opening up.
Even if they tell you an answer you don't like, keep encouraging it. Keep affirming it. Because that is what is real for them, and that is all we care about. What do you really think about this? I'm going to respond in a way that says: hey, let's keep going down this direction so I get a good sense of who you are and how you think and what you value.
Smile consciously. Not a huge cheesy grin, but just when you're asking a question and listening for answers, have a little smirk. A warm, approachable look on your face. When they say something good or slightly funny, give 30% more expression than you normally would. Smile a little bigger, laugh a little louder, to communicate: hey, that was good. I am all about trying to make people laugh and cracking jokes in an interview. Say something off the cuff. Rattle their feathers a little bit in a good way. Just: hey, look, we're just people. We can talk about something real.
Little things like just nodding. Just a nod. Oh, okay. Even if you don't smile, nod your head. It's so encouraging. And saying things like, yeah, that sounds really good, tell me more about that, or that's an interesting perspective. A verbal response that says that was good, or tell me more. On Zoom, even little things like the thumbs-up emoji, the heart, the laugh emoji. Just seeing a little emoji pop up on the screen: oh wow, okay, that was good. I can keep going. It's the little things that go a long way.
Sharing a little bit about yourself also helps. If the candidate says they really love to cook and you also love to cook, say so. Oh yeah, cool, me too. Boom, common ground. One little response and their guard drops just a little bit. Or if they mention watching football, ask what team. And throw a joke in there. Just enough to acknowledge them and share a little bit about yourself to help it feel more like a conversation than an interrogation. That is really the determining factor: does this feel like a conversation or does it feel like an interrogation? If it's feeling like an interrogation, think about what you'd do if you were just chatting with someone at the store, at the gym, at church. Lean toward that side of you.
Giving permission. If you ask a question and they don't have the answer ready, good. We like that. Because we don't want questions they've answered in a thousand interviews. We want to catch them off guard. So let them know: hey, take your time. I understand this is not a common interview question. We're just trying to get to know you better, asking things you don't normally get asked. Just pause, take your time. That little bit goes a long way. I hope you didn't prepare for this interview. I hope you didn't memorize anything. When you come in and sit down and we talk, we're talking about real things based on real life and real examples.
Here's how I would structure the full interview from start to finish. First, introductions: this is who this person is and what they do, and have people introduce themselves. Then set expectations up front. Let them know: we are trying to get to know the real version of who you are. We're going to ask questions you probably haven't been asked before. We do not expect you to have answers prepared ahead of time. If anything, we discourage that. Please take your time, be honest, and let's just have a real conversation. Setting that tone at the start saves you from going down the wrong path for the whole interview.
Then rapport building and establishing a baseline. Basic back and forth, nothing serious. Tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you like to do for fun outside of work? We're not talking about work yet. We're watching: how do they talk normally? What's their baseline for body language, cadence, rhythm? What's a rehearsed answer versus a genuine one? Like a lie detector test, they start by asking your name and age just to establish what truth looks like. We're not trying to catch anyone in a lie. We're just trying to see: how do you talk when you're at the gym, when you're having dinner? Ask something unthreatening. What's your favorite football team? Are you a dog person or a cat person? Something real easy, real casual. And share a little about yourself too. That's how you remind both of you that you're humans.
Then role understanding and clarifying questions. Any questions they have, making sure they understand what the expectations of the job are and that you're aligned. Then the mini company pitch. This is where you do what I call the scare test. Talk about your values, your work style, how you operate, your non-negotiables, what you expect from your best people. Let them know: one, we have these expectations, two, this is a big deal to us, and three, if you don't match this exactly, you will not enjoy working here. They should be hearing this and it should either excite them or scare them. And you want to find out which one it is now, not six months in.
Then the bulk of your questions. In interview one, focused on capacity: abilities, potential, bandwidth, the role itself. In interview two, focused on character: values, motivations, non-negotiables. In both cases, questions that map to the scorecard, to what you are actually trying to determine through this process. Then open it up for their questions and dialogue. Then close with next steps. If it's interview one and you want to move forward, let them know you'd like to invite them back for interview two. If you didn't enjoy the interview, say you'll be in touch. End it by letting them know what they can expect moving forward.