Three lies keep business owners stuck with the wrong people. First: good people aren't out there, so this is the best we'll get. Second: the devil we know is better than the unknown, whether that's a wrong person in the right seat whose skills justify the friction, or the right person in the wrong seat whose likability justifies the mistakes. Third: they're going to change, they just need more time or training or chances. All three trace back to fear, and all three are rooted in not having a hiring process you trust. When you know how to attract and identify the right person, letting go of the wrong one stops being terrifying.
Most business owners can name the person on their team who is causing problems. The frustration is there, the tension is real, and it's been there a while. But they're still there. Still on the team. And the reason is almost always one of three stories the owner is telling themselves about why they can't let go.
This episode names the three mindsets that keep leaders stuck with the wrong people: scarcity thinking that says better people don't exist, the familiar comfort of staying with what you know even when what you know is hurting you, and the false hope that coaching or time will change what has already reached its ceiling. And it ends with the fix: a hiring process you trust is what makes it possible to stop holding on.
- The belief that good people aren't out there is a limiting belief, not a fact. It is a scarcity mindset keeping you from making room for the right person to come in.
- We are designed to work. People want purpose, meaning, and impact. The apathy you see in employees is almost always the result of misalignment, not a defect in the person or in the workforce.
- There are two versions of the wrong-person problem: the wrong person in the right seat, where skill justifies tolerating the friction, and the right person in the wrong seat, where likability justifies tolerating the mistakes. Both eventually cost you more than you're admitting.
- Staying with someone you know you should let go is like staying in a bad relationship because the unknown feels worse. It's death by a thousand cuts. The little compromises, made a little at a time, are what you wake up one day and can't explain.
- Someone who has reached their ceiling won't grow past it with more training, more time, or more perks. The belief that they're going to change is the third lie. You're coaching something that has already hit its max.
- Most of the fear around letting someone go comes from not trusting your own ability to find someone better. When your hiring process is solid, your willingness to let the wrong person go changes completely.
- Pour clean water into a dirty cup. You don't have to empty the whole thing at once. Bring the right people in one at a time and the culture shifts on its own.
Why do business owners hold on to the wrong people even when they know it's a problem?
Because of the stories we tell ourselves about why we can't let go. Three main ones. First is scarcity: good people aren't out there, so this is the best we'll get. If we let this person go, we won't find anyone better. Second is the familiarity of the devil you know: this person is a problem, but at least we know what the problem is, and the unknown feels worse. Third is false hope: this person is going to change, they just need more time, more coaching, more chances.
All three come from the same root: fear. Fear of the gap, fear of the unknown, fear that you can't find or recognize the right person. And underneath that fear, almost always, is a hiring process that isn't working. You've ended up with the wrong people too many times. You don't trust your ability to do better. So you hold on to what you have.
If we don't ever make room, if we're not willing to let go of what we have to make room for what's gonna come next, we're never gonna get to experience that blessing.
Amy Dardis, Episode 46What is 'the devil you know' problem and why is it so hard to break out of?
It comes in two versions. The first: the wrong person in the right seat. They're good at their job, they bring value, so you compromise and tolerate the bad attitude, the friction, the tension they create with the rest of the team. You tell yourself it's not that bad. But you will never get to where you want to be while that person is in that seat.
The second version: the right person in the wrong seat. Everyone likes them, they share your values, but they're not excellent at the job. Mistakes mount. Pressure shifts to the team to pick up the slack. At first it's fine. But frustration builds, trust erodes, and that person knows it too. Being stuck in the wrong seat is one of the most draining things for an individual.
I've been that person. Started a job excited and committed, started strong. About six months in the novelty wore off. I was walking in at 7:03, clocking out at 3:58 because I couldn't wait to leave. Dreading going in because the work wasn't hard but wasn't challenging or thrilling. It did not feel like I was bringing the most value I could. That weighed on me.
It's like being in a bad relationship that you know you should leave, but you stay because it's easier to deal with what you know than to face the unknown. And over time it just continues to hurt your productivity, your trust, what you're able to accomplish.
Amy Dardis, Episode 46How do I know when coaching and giving more time isn't going to work?
When they've reached their ceiling. The belief that they're going to change is the third lie. You're trying to coach or train something in them that has already hit its max. That is the best you're going to get.
You usually see it clearly between the one and two-year mark. The first six months are harder to read because they're still new and you want to give them space to grow. But by the three-month mark, there are red flags. Someone else hired into the same role would have picked this up faster. There are miscommunication issues, misunderstandings, drama you can't explain, things that keep coming up. And the energy spent managing that friction is energy that can't go toward what you're actually trying to accomplish.
The question worth asking is: have I seen growth here? Not just time on the job, but actual movement? Has the pattern changed? If the same issues keep surfacing and the coaching isn't producing change, it's not a coaching problem. It's a fit problem. And more time, more perks, more chances won't turn a fit problem into a fit.
What actually breaks the cycle of staying stuck with the wrong team?
A hiring process you trust. Most of the fear around letting someone go comes from not believing you can find someone better. You've been burned before. You don't know what you're missing in the process that keeps producing the wrong people. So you hold on to the devil you know.
When your process is solid, when you know exactly what you're looking for, how to ask questions that map to that criteria, how to filter without being dazzled by the things that don't matter, your willingness to let the wrong person go changes completely. Because you know how to find the right one.
Think of it like a dirty cup of water. You don't have to pour the whole thing out at once. Just start pouring in clean fresh water, one right hire at a time. The clean water displaces the dirty water on its own. That is the best way to shift your culture, your performance, your engagement, your retention: a consistent commitment to bringing in the right people.
The more of the right people that we have on our team, the better our team's gonna operate together, the more engaged, the more involved, the more productive. And then that is your catalyst for everything else that you're doing.
Amy Dardis, Episode 46Resources mentioned
- Free Interview Questions Download — Questions that help you filter and qualify candidates so you trust the process
- Free Hiring System Training — The full hiring system at clearauthenticbrands.com/training
- Ep 45 — Hiring With Faith Over Fear — The mindset episode immediately before this one on fear and scarcity in hiring
Full transcript
We're diving into the mindsets, the lies that we believe, that keep us stuck with the team that we have, even though we know that's not the team we need. We have people on our team. Some of them are probably really great, but then some of them, there's frustration, there's tension, there's issues. You sense it, you know it, it's bothering you, it's weighing you down. But we hold on to them. We keep them. So I want to dive into why we do that, because it's our thoughts that are determining the actions we take or don't take.
The first mindset that keeps us stuck: we believe we're gonna stay with the people we have because we're not gonna find the right people. Good people aren't out there. This is just the best of what we have. We have this settling mentality, this scarcity mindset that says nobody out there wants to work. So the people we have, that's the best we're gonna get. And if we let them go, we're not gonna get anyone better. But that is a limiting belief. It is a belief that keeps us stuck.
What we want to do is shift into this abundance mindset: there are people out there who want to work for you, who are going to thrive working for you, who have the skill sets. But if we don't ever make room, if we're not willing to let go of what we have to make room for what's gonna come next, we're never going to experience that blessing. Sometimes that wrong person that we're too afraid to let go of, they finally leave on their own. And then we're kind of forced into it. And that feeling of relief. They left and it hurts, but at the same time: oh my gosh, thank goodness. Everybody around here is relieved. The whole environment shifts. And now we can move forward.
And here's the thing: we are designed to work at our human core. We have gifting, we have a desire, we have abilities. We want purpose in our life, we want meaning, we want impact, we want significance. The problem is most of us have veered so far off this course in so many different directions that it's hard to believe we ever felt like that. We get so weighed down by being in roles that don't align with our gifting. We become apathetic and discouraged. And the idea of going to work doesn't sound appealing. But sitting at home being idle doesn't serve anyone either. There is a process of coming back to that: realizing you do have specific gifting, and when you're in roles that align with it, it makes a huge difference.
Second mindset: sticking with the devil we know. We can't afford to replace this person, or it's just easier to deal with what we already know. There are two versions of this. One is the wrong person in the right seat: they're really good at their job, they bring value and benefit to the organization, so we compromise on the other side and we deal with their bad attitude, the friction and tension they cause with the rest of the team. We think: oh, it's not that bad, I'm making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be. But you will never get to where you really want to be while you have that person in that seat.
Or the opposite: you have a person who everyone really likes. Great, fun, kind, nice. You enjoy them as a human. They share your values. But they're in a seat that doesn't align with their gifting. So they're not excellent at their job. There are mistakes and issues, and that puts more pressure on the rest of your team to pick up the slack. At first it's okay because we like them. But after a while, it takes its toll and the frustration starts to rise. And that affects them too, because they realize they are not great at this. They realize they're stuck. They're not getting it the way they need to and they're not enjoying it.
I've been that person in the wrong role. I started a new job, it felt exciting, I'm learning and growing and committed and excited, started off strong. And then about six months in, the novelty wears off. You get everything figured out, reality sets in. And that's when I started walking in at 7:03, 7:05, 7:10. Clocking out at 3:58, 3:55, because I couldn't wait to get out of there. I dreaded going because I knew I was just gonna be sitting at that desk doing work that wasn't hard, but wasn't exciting, wasn't challenging, wasn't thrilling, and didn't feel like I was bringing the most value I could. And that weighed on me over time.
So we end up with an individual who is either in the wrong role or the wrong person for our company, and we just think: we know what to expect with this person. It's like being in a bad relationship you know you should leave, but you stay because it's just easier to deal with what you know rather than face being single and the unknown. But over time it just continues to hurt your productivity, your trust, what you're able to accomplish. It's death by a thousand cuts. The little compromises, a little bit at a time. Months go by and you don't really notice it. But then eventually you wake up and you're like, how did I get here? I'm looking around at my team, my processes, my clients, and I feel stuck. This isn't what I signed up for, and I'm not sure where I took the wrong turn.
Third mindset: we recognize they're the wrong person or in the wrong role, but we're choosing to stick it out because this person is gonna change. They just need a little more training, another chance, a little more time, better measurables, more perks, a couple more dollars an hour. But this is the idea that someone is going to change because we're trying to coach or train something in them that has reached its max. That is the best you're gonna get. You often see this at the one-to-two-year mark. The first six months, it's harder to see because they're brand new and you want to give them time and space to grow. But about the three-month mark, there are red flags. By six months, it becomes very obvious.
And so all of this comes from this core root of fear. Being afraid of the unknown. Being afraid the right people aren't out there. Being afraid of what happens to your business in the gap. But a lot of it comes back to this fear of not being confident in your own ability to attract the right people, filter and qualify them the way you need to, because you've ended up with the wrong people too many times. There's something in your process that's broken, but you can't pinpoint it. You can't say what you're missing in the interview and hiring process that keeps leading to this. They say the right things, sound good in an interview, you bring them on board, and then it's disappointing in reality.
So it's coming back and looking at your hiring process. If you know you have a solid process, if you know exactly what you're looking for, if you know how to ask questions that map back to that criteria, if you know how to structure the process so you're not being misled by things that don't really matter, so you're making clear, consistent, confident decisions: it's gonna change your willingness to let the wrong people go.
Imagine you have a cup of water and the water is dirty. Not fully black. There's some good water and some dirty water. Just like your team: probably some really awesome people, and some who are not so great, and you've just accepted this is how it has to be. What we want to do instead of pouring out all the water or trying to fix what's in the water currently is just start pouring in clean, fresh water. That's your hiring process: bringing in the right people, one person at a time. Fresh water coming in, and you're basically flushing out more of the dirty water. Eventually you end up with a cup of fresh water without ever doing a whole lot.
So the best way to shift your culture, change performance, change engagement, change turnover and retention: it starts with your hiring process. And if we can get that right, it helps us not be afraid. Not be afraid to let the wrong people go. Confident that I can attract, filter, qualify, stand out in a competitive marketplace. Let this person go to make room for the right people to come in. The more right people you have on your team, the better your team operates together, the more engaged, involved, productive. And that is your catalyst for better sales, better marketing, better operations. It really all comes back to your people.
The idea is we're gonna make our culture so clear. We're gonna make our expectations so clear. This all comes back to clarity: who are we, what do we believe, what do we value, how do we operate, who thrives in our organization, what are the standards we hold ourselves to? The more clear you are on these things, there is no room for these other issues to exist. You can't have wrong people in wrong seats because it's so obvious and so painfully obvious that you're forced to address it, because of the clear boundaries and expectations you've set from the beginning. If we can change what we believe, then we start to change how we act, the standards and expectations we set. And by doing that, we change the outcome.