Building a clear vision for your life starts by painting a picture of what each area would look like if it were truly flourishing, before you ever open a spreadsheet or set a business goal. I use lenses organized as Fs: faith, family, friendship and fellowship, finances, fitness, food, fun, function, focus, fruit, and fear. The exercise doesn't produce a perfect life. It produces a standard you can measure against. Once you know what good looks like in each area, you can actually see the gap between where you are and where you want to be, and start making decisions that close it.
Most goal-setting starts too small and too late. You jump straight to the business: revenue targets, lead gen systems, hiring plans. And you never ask the harder question of whether the business, as you're running it, is actually serving the life you want to live. I spent years setting business goals while my house was a disaster, my marriage was strained, and I had no idea what fun even meant for me anymore. The business was moving. The life underneath it wasn't.
The exercise that changed this for me came from Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, habit number two: Begin with the End in Mind. Covey talks about writing out a personal vision statement that isn't corporate or abstract, but specific, painting a real picture of the person you want to be and the life you want to live. I've done this every year since, and I've organized the lenses into categories: faith, family, friendship and fellowship, finances, fitness, food, fun, function, focus, fruit, and fear. The business is just one bucket among many. And until I look at the others honestly, the business goals are built on sand.
- Start bigger than the business. The business is one bucket among multiple areas of life. If you set business goals without looking at the whole life first, the business ends up driving everything, including things it was never designed to carry.
- The first time you paint a picture of the life you want, you will be made painfully aware of how much your life doesn't look like that. That awareness is the point. It's not discouragement. It's a map.
- What was stopping me was me. My own bad habits, my own tendencies and mindsets. That's actually good news, because it means the thing I can control is the thing that needs to change.
- A year is not a long time. The one-year horizon is short enough to see the finish line and long enough to make significant change. The question I ask every year: what do I want my life to look like a year from now?
- Don't tackle every area at once. Some changes take more bandwidth and more emotional toll. Focus on one big thing, or a few key things, so you can actually see success rather than spreading effort across everything and finishing nothing.
- Celebrate the growth you can't see in the moment. Looking back over five or ten years is when the transformation becomes visible. Eighteen months into working on our marriage, I was wondering when I'd see the fruit. Ten years later, it's unrecognizable in the best way.
- We are transformed by the renewing of our mind. Change isn't just willpower or more discipline. It's done through faith and prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit.
How do I build a vision for my life that's more than just business goals?
Start before the business. The business is one lens among many, and if you start there, everything else gets squeezed into whatever space is left over. What I do at the start of every year is look at my life through different lenses, organized as Fs: faith, family, friendship and fellowship, finances, fitness, food, fun, function, focus, and fruit and fear.
The exercise itself comes from Covey's habit number two in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Begin with the End in Mind. Not a mission statement. Actually painting a picture. What would my home life look like if it were flourishing? What would my marriage look like? The specificity is what makes it work. Vague aspiration doesn't create clarity. A real picture does.
The first time I did this, I was made painfully aware of how much my life didn't look like that picture. I wasn't the mom I wanted to be, wasn't the wife I wanted to be, my finances were a source of tension. That gap was clarifying because it told me exactly where the work was.
Up until that point in my life, I'd never really painted a picture of what I wanted my life to look like. And this exercise that he talked about actually forced me to sit down and really be very clear, very specific.
Amy Dardis, Episode 32What are the life lenses and how do I use them to assess where I am?
Faith, family, friendship and fellowship, finances, fitness, food, fun, function, focus, fruit, and fear. For each one, the exercise is the same: paint a picture of what great looks like in that area of your life, then honestly assess where you are now. The gap between the two is where the work is.
Faith: what does your time with God look like? Is there intimacy and relationship there, or does he feel distant? Family: are you feeling connected in your marriage? Are you the parent you want to be? Is the atmosphere of your home safe and inviting, or tense and cluttered? Finances: is money a source of peace or anxiety? Are you honoring God with what you have? Fitness, food, fun: are you moving, eating in a way that fuels you, and actually enjoying your life?
Function is work: how is it playing into your life, your energy, your sense of contribution? Focus is your God-given gifts and calling: do you know what they are, are you developing them, and are you seeing the impact? Fruit: what evidence of the Spirit do you see? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, thankfulness, self-control. Fear: what role is fear playing in your decisions?
Before I end up even starting to look at that, I want to look at my life as a whole, myself as an individual, as a leader, as a wife, as a parent, as a disciple, as a Christ follower, looking at who I am and how I'm working towards becoming the person that God has called me to be.
Amy Dardis, Episode 32How do I actually make progress on changing my life when it feels like nothing is moving?
First, narrow the focus. Lenses aren't meant to be attacked all at once. Some areas take far more bandwidth and emotional toll than others. Pick the one or two where change would have the biggest impact and commit to those.
Second, understand that change isn't primarily a willpower problem. The Power to Change by Craig Groeschel talks about who God is asking us to become and the power of the Holy Spirit helping us change the way we think. We are transformed by the renewing of our mind. The vision gives you the direction. The transformation is done through faith and prayer.
And look backward regularly. Working on our marriage was a five-year process. Eighteen months in, I was wondering when I'd see the fruit. Ten years out, it's unrecognizable in the best way. That's what keeps the hope alive when you can't see the progress day-to-day.
I was 18 months in and I was wondering when I was gonna start to see the fruit of it. But now I can look back over the last 10 years and be like, yes, absolutely, like so worth it. Life-changing, and I would do it over again.
Amy Dardis, Episode 32Why should I look at my whole life before setting goals for my business?
Because the business is one bucket, not the whole thing. If you go straight to business goals without first looking at your faith, your marriage, your health, your kids, your friendships, and your sense of calling, the business fills in those spaces by default. And it was never designed to carry all of that.
The version of this I lived for too long: I was setting business goals while my house was a disaster, I wasn't the mom I wanted to be, my finances were a source of tension, and I had no idea how to rest. The business was moving. Everything underneath it wasn't.
God cares about your whole life. His design is not for you to build a business and not worry about everything else. Put him first, look at your life as a whole, then keep your business where it belongs. That's the order. When the order is right, the business actually benefits from it.
Resources mentioned
- Free Employer Brand Resources — Hiring and brand clarity tools for trades and service business owners
- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey — Mentioned in this episode — habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
- The Power to Change by Craig Groeschel — Mentioned in this episode — identity, habits, and the Holy Spirit
- Ep 31 — Rhythms and Habits to Find Clarity in the Chaos — The clarity structures that create space for this kind of vision work
- Ep 1 — Building a Clear Authentic Brand — Why your business must be built on something bigger than revenue
Full transcript
Last episode, we talked about clarity and really positioning ourselves to cancel out the distractions and the noise of this world and seek direction, guidance, and God's will for where we go next. This episode is about painting a picture of what that looks like. This is something that really changed my life.
It started with a book: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Habit number two is called Begin with the End in Mind. Covey talks about writing out a personal mission and vision statement for your life. Not a corporate-speak document, but actually painting a picture of your life and where you wanted to be and what you wanted it to look like and the type of person you wanted to be, and writing that out in detail, making it specific and clear.
The first time I ever did that exercise, I looked at different areas of my life. What did I want my home life to look like? My marriage? My business? My financial life? My health? I wrote out all of these areas, what good or successful or meaningful meant to me in each one. And I was made painfully aware of how much my life did not look like that at the time. I was like, wow, I have some work to do. I am not that kind of mom. I'm not that kind of wife. I'm not that kind of homemaker.
But that exercise was so helpful because I was like, okay, well, what do I need to do to start working towards making sure that my life does look like that? Now that I have this clear picture, what do I need to do differently or stop doing so that I can actually say this is what my life looks like? And I realized what was stopping me was me. My own bad habits, my own tendencies and mindsets. Which was actually great news, because it meant I could do something about it.
I also realized through this process how visual of a person I am. Up until that point in my life, I'd never really painted a picture of what I wanted my life to look like. This exercise forced me to sit down and be very clear, very specific, and really break life down into different areas.
What I learned over the years was that once I had this clear idea in mind, not only of what I wanted my life to look like but the type of person I wanted to be, it really started to help guide my decisions. It gave me a why behind making better choices or stopping certain things. My kids were young at the time, still at home, and my house was constantly a disaster. Toys everywhere, food everywhere, dishes everywhere. I was spending time mad about the house being messy, and then spending time cleaning the house instead of having fun or relaxing or playing with my kids.
That pointed out that I wanted to be a mom who was at rest and at peace and enjoyed her kids and spent quality time with her kids, which at that point I did not. I wanted to be a mom who knew how to have fun and actually enjoy the season she was in, which at that point I did not. I wanted to be good with money, to be debt-free, to have a handle on my finances and have that not be a source of tension between me and my husband. And at that point that did not describe my financial situation.
So I looked at my house and I'm like, okay, my house is messy all the time. Why is it messy all the time? What would make it less messy? What would make this easier? That set me down this course of looking at minimalism and decluttering and finding better systems for cleaning and organization. Watching shows like The Home Edit. Listening to things like the minimalism podcast and finding this balance between having a place for everything, having everything organized, but also having less stuff, which was also going to help with my money situation. I don't need to be buying things all the time. I don't need to be spending my money or my time on those habits when I could be resting, or I could be having fun, or I could be finding a hobby that actually inspires me and gives me life.
The second book that was very impactful for me was The Power to Change by Craig Groeschel. He talks about who you want to become and who God is asking us to become, and the power of the Holy Spirit helping us change the way that we think. We are transformed by the renewing of our mind. We change the way we think and we change our habits, but it's also done through faith and through prayer and through the power of the Holy Spirit. So it wasn't just this thing of willpower or more discipline. It really was sitting back and being like, okay, God, who do you want me to be? Who did you create me to be? And what does the best version of myself look like? And what does that actually look like in my life?
This was the first time that I did this kind of state-of-the-union of my life and of my marriage and of my parenting and all of these things. And it's something I've continued to do every year. Right now, the picture itself of what I want this life to look like doesn't change as much anymore. It's tweaks here and there. But more and more of my life is actually starting to look like that. And that's encouraging. That's motivating me to keep going deeper and to keep honing in on these areas, to know that this is possible.
A year is not a long time. I used to think a year was a long time. But almost always my question is: what do I want my life to look like a year from now? Or what do I want my business to look like a year from now? It's short enough that I can see the finish line, but long enough that if I want some significant change, I have enough time to make it happen.
There are four benefits that came through going through this process. One: I was able to assess where I was at right now. I could actually look at my life and be like, okay, if this is the picture, if this is the standard, I now have something objective that I can measure against. I have clarity around what I am working towards. I can clearly see how my life is flourishing in those areas or it's not.
Two: because of that assessment, I can be like, okay, what do I need to do differently? We don't tackle every area of our life at once. There are different seasons where we focus on different things, because some of them take more of our bandwidth and more of an emotional toll. It's easier to focus on a few key things at once, or maybe just one big one, to say this is something I'm dedicated to changing because it's part of this picture. A picture that I have prayerfully considered, really sought God's heart and his will and his purpose in, and knowing that it is supported biblically and scripturally based, and this is something I should be working towards. So no matter how hard it is, I'm going to keep doing it.
Three: I'm actually able to acknowledge and celebrate the growth because I can look back over a year or three years or five years and see that maybe I didn't see all the change happening day-in and day-out, but as time has gone by, I can look back and be like, yeah, my marriage is different, my home life is different, the atmosphere in my house is different. And it's not what it was a year ago or three years ago. Some things worth changing take a lot longer. Working through things in our marriage was probably a five-year transformation process. I was 18 months in and wondering when I was going to start to see the fruit of it. But now I can look back over the last 10 years and be like, yes, absolutely, so worth it. Life-changing. And that helps build endurance, resilience, character, faith through the process.
Four: before we get into the tactical and operational things of the business, it always helps to start even bigger than that. The business ends up being one of the buckets. And before I even start to look at that, I want to look at my life as a whole. Myself as an individual, as a leader, as a wife, as a parent, as a disciple, as a Christ follower. Looking at who I am and how I'm working towards becoming the person that God has called me to be. Realizing that what I do in my business or how that factors in is just a part of that. It should not be the main thing.
I would have caution against just focusing on setting goals for your business and looking at the obstacles you have and the goals you want to accomplish within the business without actually looking at, okay, how does this play into the rest of your life? How is your business affecting all of these areas? How are you living the life that God has called you to live? Yes, your business plays into that, but we are individuals, we are children of God before our business ends up being something that defines our identity.
So this is looking at our life through different lenses. How are we doing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically, and relationally? How is the health of our life in these different areas? What would great look like? Not going to an extreme or something that seems improbable, but realistically: if I were to live my best life, what does that look like? And then you can answer the question of, am I living my best life right now? And if I'm not, how can we narrow in on the areas where we could make the biggest impact?
I have the lenses organized as Fs. The first F is faith. What does faith look like in your life right now? What is your time with God look like? Are you spending as much time in the Word as you want to be, as you feel convicted to be? Do you feel like God is leading your life? Do you sense his presence? Do you feel his voice? Is there intimacy and relationship there? Does he feel distant? What does his power and presence look like in your life? What do you want it to look like? Are you making it to church? Are you serving? Are you connecting with people in prayer? Are you praying for people? Are you leading your family spiritually? Are there rhythms and routines that continually put God at the center of your life?
Second F is family. What does your family life look like? Your marriage: are you feeling connected, on the same page, having fun together, communicating well, working as a team? What does your relationship with your kids look like? Are you the dad or the mom you want to be? Are you happy with the level of quality time you're spending with your kids? Are you impatient with them, snapping at them, or avoiding them? What does your home life look and feel like? Is it safe, comfortable, inviting, a place where everyone is connecting, or is it stressful, tense, messy, cluttered?
The third F is friendship and fellowship. What is friendship in your life? Do you have good friends who are good influences, who are praying for you and encouraging you and pushing you toward God? Is friendship something you're lacking? Have you not made time for it or thought it wasn't important? Are you part of a small group? Are you meeting new people on a regular basis? Is your social life life-giving or life-draining?
Finances. What does your financial situation look like? Is it something you have peace about, feel like you have control over, feel like you are honoring God with? Or is it a source of pain, anxiety, fear, or scarcity? What does giving look like? What does generosity look like? Is there debt that has a hold over you? Are you spending money on things you shouldn't be?
Fitness: your physical health. Are you getting up and moving? Do you feel healthy? Do you feel strong? Do you have the energy you need to get through your day? Are there things health-wise or physically that you're struggling with? Food: what are your food choices like? Is food fueling your body or is it something you use to deal with feelings? Is it something that has control and influence over you? Maybe there's shame there, maybe there's guilt there.
Fun. What does fun look like in your life? Are you spending time doing things you actually enjoy? There was a time in my life where I didn't know what fun was, and I didn't know how to have fun. I didn't know what fun looked like for me as an adult, as an entrepreneur, as a parent, as a wife. That took years of figuring out. For years I wasn't having any fun, because I was spending all my time working.
Function, which is basically your work. If you're listening, you're probably an entrepreneur, owner, or business leader. How are you feeling about work? How are you feeling about the role it's playing in your life, your gifts and your contribution towards it? Is it something that's stressing you out? Are you finding that maybe you want to do something different? Is there a good balance? For me this has been an ever-changing one in different seasons. Sometimes super stressful, sometimes not motivating at all, something I desperately wanted to change, and other times where I'm like yeah, I feel super good about where I'm at right now, what I'm doing, how I'm spending my time, this work-life balance thing, how the time I'm spending working is in my strengths.
Focus: outside of your occupation, focus really being this purpose and calling and passion of your life, the impact that you're having for the kingdom. God designed you uniquely on purpose and for a purpose. And it was not just to run a business and make money and pay the bills. He gave you specific gifts. Do you know what those gifts are? Do you know what your unique strengths are? Are you developing those gifts? Are you contributing them? And maybe you're confused as to what those actually are, and you feel this emptiness, this lack of fulfillment, this thing that is missing, and you're like, I want to know how God created me and what he created me for. What makes you feel alive? It's going to be under his plan and purpose for your life. The two greatest commands: love God and love people. You're going to find it within the realm of people, but it's going to be specific to how God designed and wired you.
Fruit: what fruit are you bearing? Going back to the fruits of the Spirit, we can only bear fruit when we are connected to the Spirit. They're not from our sinful nature, they are from our spiritual nature, they come from the Holy Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, thankfulness, self-control. Look at each of those fruits and say, what do these look like in my life? Am I happy with the evidence of it? There have been seasons where I'm like, I've been snapping, I've been impatient, I've been bitter and angry. I didn't have joy, I didn't have peace, I didn't have patience. And I desperately wanted those in my life. God, help me to be connected to you, to be in your word, so that I can actually see this fruit in my life. I want to see the evidence of it.
Fear: what role is fear playing in your life right now? Fear of failing. Fear of people. Fear of rejection. Fear of judgment. Fear of losing security. Fear of losing significance. Fear of not being valuable. How are your fears and insecurities playing into your life? Are you capturing them? Are you making them obedient to Christ? Are you putting them where they belong, or are you letting fear rule your life? Are you letting fear hurt your relationships or affect your decisions, because choices are coming from a place of fear instead of a place of faith?
Those are all the Fs, and they'll be listed in the show notes. Take some time, a clarity break, a clarity session, whatever it is, to really paint this picture of who is God calling you to be? What is your best life lived for him look like? And before we get into the tactical and operational things of our business, I always feel like it always starts with us as the leader. It starts with our heart. Where is our heart at? Who are we trusting in? Where are we putting our faith? Remembering that our business does not define us, our business is not our identity.
You are an entire person outside of your business, outside of your job. And God cares so much about your life and your heart and your family and your relationships, and he wants those to be a blessing in your life. He wants there to be fruit in your life, that you're loving and serving others, and there is a blessing that comes from that. I think our sinful nature is just to hunker down and focus on the business, focus on making money, and not worry about everything else. That's not the approach God wants us to take. It's always been to put him first and foremost, look at myself and my life first, my relationships, my health, my finances, everything, and then just keep my business where it belongs and not ever let it dictate how I make decisions in other areas of my life.
Take some time, think about it, pray through it, write some things down. It's not something that changes overnight. This is something I've been doing for years, regularly, just to be like, okay, where am I at? Celebrating the growth, acknowledging it, but also being realistic about what do I need to address, where are the areas that I need to focus on. You'll feel that conviction. God's going to lead you through that. He wants to do a work in you. He wants to work in these areas and heal these areas of your life.